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Posts Tagged ‘cannon blog’

Manchester United, Volleyball Duo Crack Top 25

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
A couple of unlikely teams find themselves in the Top 25 preseason rankings, as we continue the week’s countdown.
#15) Manchester United
Coming off a Premier League championship, Manchester United should have a strong season. The team has no spending limit and has created a football juggernaut. Man U starts the season as 5/1 [...]

Countdown Continues with Pair of Georgia Teams

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
We continue our Preseason Top 25 countdown today with a pair of Georgia teams. It’ll be interesting to see who has bragging rights at the end of the season!

#20) University of Georgia

The University of Georgia is easily the second-best team in Georgia. It should compete for an SEC title, and fans are [...]

Rep. Akin Confuses Vaginas with Parking Meters

By Chance Breckenridge
Political Reporter
ST. LOUIS - Rep. Todd Akin, R-Missouri, apologized today after comments he made Sunday regarding rape, saying he had confused the female anatomy with parking meters.

“If it’s a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down,” he said during the Sunday broadcast, adding even [...]

Zips, Jets Make Top 25

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
The Cannon Newsletter sports department is pleased to reveal is first annual preseason college football rankings! Each day this week, we’ll look at five teams, starting today with numbers 25 to 21.
#25) University of Akron
The Zips last won on Sept. 24, 2011, managing to pull out two 1-11 seasons in a row. [...]

German Diver Contests ‘Schmakin Hyman’ Score

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
LONDON - Stephan Feck, the German diver who’s made a splash on YouTube, is contesting his score of zero, which came during Monday’s 3-meter springboard preliminaries.
After three flips, which Feck dubs “strudel dudels,” he smacked on his back instead of entering the water with a dive. Feck calls it a “schmakin hyman,” [...]

Curiosity Kills Mars Cat

By Donald McFarland
Staff Writer
PASADENA, CALIF. - Life exists on Mars, and humans have already started killing it, according to NASA.
When the space rover Curiosity landed on Mars this weekend, it crushed one of the planet’s inhabitants, a cat-like creature without fur.
“It was quite unfortunate,” said Dr. Carl Allenwater, a NASA scientist. “The very first contact [...]

Mitt Romney Looks to Buy Ohio

By Chance Breckenridge
Political Reporter
COLUMBUS, OHIO -  Mitt Romney, the presumptive Republican candidate for president, was in Ohio this morning and made a shocking offer to Gov. John Kasich.
Romney wants to buy Ohio, and its 18 electoral votes, for $500 million.
“I love Ohio’s … trees and such … and I believe I could take very good [...]

Crying Added as Gymnastics Event

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
LONDON - Less than a day after gymnastics competitions ended at the Olympics, organizers announced a major change for the 2016 Games.
“We’ve noticed there is a quite a bit of crying during the gymnastics events, and these athletes are rather good at it,” said Olympic spokesperson Pip Crinkle. “Why not make it [...]

Tim Tebow a Victim of Sanchez Prank

Quarterback Calls Trick ‘Dirty’
By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
CORTLAND, NY - New York Jets starting quarterback Mark Sanchez has been busy pulling a series of pranks on backup quarterback Tim Tebow.
Before Thursday’s training camp session started, Tebow discovered his shoes were full of shaving cream.
“As soon as I stuck my feet in them, I thought, ‘That’s [...]

Fast Food Gets Political

By Tina Roundhouse
Staff Writer
OAK BROOK, Ill -  With Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy last month speaking out against gay marriage last month, garnering response from both supporters and protesters, other fast food personalities are opting to enter the political arena.
“I won’t keep quiet any longer about Obamacare,” said Ronald McDonald during an interview with a local [...]