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NBA Looks to Market ‘Roe vs. Wade’

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor

NEW YORK CITY - The NBA has confirmed it hopes one of its teams will draft or sign a player named Roe within the next few years.

Wade

Wade

“We’re looking at guys named Roe, and we hope at some point his team would play against Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat,” said Kent Hightower, a spokesman for the NBA.

Naturally, the tagline would be “Roe vs. Wade,” and NBA officials believe sports channels such as ESPN would talk about such a matchup for weeks.

“ESPN for the next two weeks won’t shut up about the HarBowl and how two brothers are facing off as coaches in the Super Bowl,” Hightower said. “Just think of how it would be obsessed over Roe versus Wade.”

Lou Roe, who played two seasons in the NBA, is an obvious choice. But he is 40 years old. Michigan State University star Delvon Roe was looking at a chance in the NBA, but knee injuries ended his basketball career.

The NBA has turned to Clarence Roe, a 24-year-old truck driver from Aitkin, Minn. Roe played high school basketball, averaging four points, two rebounds and five minutes over his two-year career. And he is the NBA’s best chance at achieving “Roe vs. Wade” before Wade retires. Officials believe Wade could be considering retirement in five years or so.

“I watch NBA games sometimes,” Roe said. “But I need to kind of refresh myself about players, teams and basic rules. But if the NBA needs me to sign with some team for the veterans’ minimum (contract), I’m willing to do that because my current job sucks.”

The NBA’s idea coincides with the 40th anniversary of the controversial Roe vs. Wade Supreme Court ruling.

“This isn’t about abortion, though,” Hightower said. “Of course it’s not. It’s just about a catchy phrase. We hope Clarence Roe can practice for a few years and help us make this happen. It would certainly be an excellent marketing tool for the NBA, so we hope Clarence can save Roe versus Wade.”

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