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God Votes to Suspend Campaigns

By Tina Roundhouse
Staff Writer

WASHINGTON D.C. – God has reportedly voted early, sending hurricanes and blizzards to stop political campaigns until further notice.

The severe weather forced President Obama to return to Washington, D.C., and challenger Mitt Romney to stop talking.

Power outages, meanwhile, silenced the ceaseless political commercial rotation. Mail delivery delays could mean many citizens won’t see pamphlets and one-sheets, at least for a day or two.

“God isn’t going to vote for a specific candidate in any election,” said Peter, archangel and spokesperson. “But that doesn’t mean he won’t make his voice heard, and boy did he ever.”

Hurricane Sandy has delivered strong winds and flooding to New England and blizzards to other parts of the U.S.

President Obama suspended his campaign.

Romney, meanwhile, said, “This president has … um … the hurricane has reminded us that … ur … most Americans are … Let’s see. Um … I’m … against the hurricane?”

Gena Vincent, a nurse from Virginia, trudged to work today and said, “When I awoke to this awful weather, I was in a bad mood. But when I finally got outside, I discovered this blessed silence. This beautiful, blessed silence. Thank you, Lord.”

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