Jed Clampett Shoots Hole in Gulf of Mexico

Explosion, Oil slick follow

By Donald McFarland
Staff Writer

Jed Clampett, the famous Beverly Hills millionaire, has shot a hole in the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico, releasing a gush of oil that is creating a massive oil slick on the surface.

Workers on the nearby British Petroleum oil rig Deep Horizon reported an explosion, which likely was Clampett’s shotgun. The rig sank following the incident. So, actually the explosion was probably the rig blowing up.

Clampett struck gold several decades ago after a similar incident, when he shot at an animal and discovered oil. This time, though, the results could be devastating.

“I was just shootin’ at some food, and then up through the ocean came a bubblin’ crude,” Clampett said. He apparently was vacationing on a boat and shooting at fish.

Clampett

Spencer Kohn, a worker on a rig, said he yelled, “Jed, move away from there!” when he spotted Clampett firing into the water.

“I can’t believe the shot reached the ocean floor and blew a hole in the well,” Kohn said.

“I’m real sorry about the devastation,” Clampett said. “But you keep what you shoot, and I want that oil.”

BP officials responded, saying Clampett cannot have the oil leaking into the ocean water just because he accidently released it.

“The oil still belongs to BP, and …. oh, shit. I shouldn’t have said that,” said a BP spokesperson.