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Glenn Beck Wins Douche Bucket of the Year Award

By Donald McFarland
Staff Writer

Fox News radio and television show host Glenn Beck has won the Cannon Newsletter’s first ever Douche Bucket of the Year Award.

It was a narrow victory, but Beck received a few more first-place votes than the other nominees, which included Rush Limbaugh, South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson and Perez Hilton.

The Douche Bucket Award is similar to the Heisman Trophy college football, as it honors the biggest douche during the past year.

“Beck unleashed a tirade on one listener for her views on health care, called President Obama a racist and congratulated himself for helping a guest who passed out on his television show,” said commentator Kurt Bagley, one of the Douche Bucket voters. “He clearly was douche of the year.”

Another voter, Hillary Wise, cited Beck’s book “The Christmas Sweater,” even though it hit shelves in 2008.

“The effects carried on into 2009,” she said. “What a God-awful, piece-of-crap, pretentious, badly-written, sentimentalist, stupid, migraine-inducing, terrible, disgusting book.”

Bagley said Beck’s accomplishments in 2009 weren’t the only reasons Beck received the award.

“If you watch Glenn Beck, you notice a palpable douche-ness about him,” he said. “I mean, you’re just sitting there listening to him and you think, ‘Wow, this guy is a real douche.’ I think his general douche personality helped him get this award.”

Before moving to Fox News, Beck was a commentator at CNN, and Beck’s opinions there seemed moderate. At one point, he even said the U.S. health care system is broken. At Fox, however, Beck has slid to the right and has displayed psychopathic tendencies.

Beck had some tough competition, especially from Limbaugh, who in 2009 called President Obama an “angry black guy,” said the president’s economic policy equals reparations and suggested black children now feel free to beat up white children because Obama is president.

“We’re kind of used to Limbaugh’s racism,” Wise said. “I think Beck’s racism was more startling because it started suddenly. If we ever have a Lifetime Douche Achievement Award, I’m sure Rush will get some recognition then.”

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