Rush Limbaugh Opts to Buy NASCAR Team

Racing Could Be More Receptive to Bigot Than NFL

By Charlest Parachute
Sports Editor

Limbaugh

DAYTONA BEACH, FLA. - Two days after a group hoping to purchase the NFL’s St. Louis Rams dropped Rush Limbaugh, the controversial radio personality announced he plans to buy a NASCAR team. He didn’t specify which team.

“I am determined to own some sort of sporting franchise,” Limbaugh said this morning on his show. “The NASCAR fanbase thus far seems to be the only fan-base receptive to the idea.”

Dave Checketts, owner of the National Hockey League’s St. Louis Blues, had included Limbaugh in an effort to buy the Rams, but the reaction to the potential bid was negative and loud. Some NFL players said they would not play for a team partly owned by a blatant racist (Limbaugh), and some owners in the league said they would vote against the purchase.

“This is not about the NFL, this is not about the St. Louis Rams, this is not about me,” Limbaugh said after the group dumped him. “This is about the ongoing effort by the left in this country …” To paraphrase, he blamed liberals, saying this incident somehow affects the future of the United States.

Over the past couple of days, sources say, Limbaugh looked into possibly buying NBA and MLB franchises. But thoses leagues have lots of black and Hispanic players, so that wouldn’t work. He even looked into buying a hockey team, but many of those players are foreign.

“He had to find people who would accept a bigot with racist viewpoints and an addiction to Oxycontin,” said sports commentator Colin Phillips. “NASCAR became the logical option.”

Limbaugh has called President Obama an “angry black guy,” said the president’s economic policy equals reparations and suggested black children now feel free to beat up white children because Obama is president. In 2003, Limbaugh had to resign from ESPN after saying Donavan McNabb received preferential treatment because he is black. Limbaugh actually has made hundreds of racist comments, more than this article will hold.

“The blacks have taken over sports, just as they have the White House, and they want white people to be scared,” Limbaugh said. “Well, I’m not scared. NASCAR has become the only sport safe from liberals and safe from those who notice skin color. I am color-blind, believe it or not. The only black and white I see are on that checkered flag. So until some black guy learns to drive a NASCAR, I guess everyone will be fine with me owning a sports franchise in this ‘free’ nation.”