Babe Has Swine Flu

Farmer Hoggett Plans to Put Down Pig

By Cynthia Stallion
Staff Writer

NEW SOUTH WALES, AUSTRALIA - Babe, the beloved pig, has contracted swine flu.

Babe and Hoggett in 1995.

Farmer Arthur Hoggett said he has quarantined the animal, fearing the virus might spread to his sheep dogs and other animals.

“We all love Babe, of course, but I’m not sure many people have seen him since 1995, when his movie came out,” Hoggett said. “Baby pigs are cute. Grown pigs aren’t so much. So I hope people can view more recent pictures of him before judging me for putting him down.”

Putting him down?

“That’s right,” Hoggett said. “I’m sad to say it, but Babe’s gotta go. He’s like a rabid dog. If people can deal with Old Yeller, they can deal with this.”

Swine flu, though, is treatable.

“Sure, that’s what they say,” Hoggett said. “But they don’t have to deal with talking pigs that have swine flu. They whine and belly-ache all day. It’d be different if he couldn’t talk, but I can’t deal with his constant complaining anymore. He’s gotta go.”

Babe pleaded his case from inside a barnhouse bubble.

“What does it tell you that Farmer Hoggett is willing to purchase this big bubble contraption to protect the other animals from swine flu and yet is not willing to buy a flu shot for me?” Babe said. “Maybe he was just waiting for a good reason to turn me into bacon.”

Hoggett said the potential for a swine flu outbreak is the only reason he would kill Babe.

“I can’t make bacon out of him because he’s infected with swine flu,” he said. “I’d just bury him.”

Babe questioned if he actually has swine flu.

“This is all very convenient,” Babe said. “If swine flu wasn’t in the news, he’d come up with some other reason to do me in. He doesn’t like that an animal can question his decisions or debate with him. That’s the only virus I have - free speech.”