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Everything in Piggly Wiggly is Infected with Swine Flu

Grocery Chain Has Unfortunate Connection with Pigs

By Tina Roundhouse
Staff Writer

MEMPHIS, TN - The Piggly Wiggly grocery store chain might have to shut down until the swine flu epidemic subsides, company officials said.

“Our mascot is a pig, and the store name is associated with swine,” said Peter O’Donnell, a Piggly Wiggly spokesperson. “If it was just an association with pigs, we probably could survive the public relations crisis. But somehow all our food was contaminated with swine flu, so we have a bigger problem to deal with.”

The company isn’t sure how swine flu infected every single Piggly Wiggly product, even the t-shirt line, but Piggly Wiggly stores across the nation have become bastions for the virus.

“Can the disease actually identify with an aptly named store?” O’Donnell asked. “I doubt it, but this situation is really weird.”

O’Donnell, however, did point out that all Piggly Wiggly food ships in pig trailers. In other words, the shipments include live pigs, crates of food and, sometimes, dead pigs that are being transported to a large ditch in Pennsylvania.

“We’ve thought about changing the practice of shipping the food with pigs, especially dead pigs that sometimes are bleeding all over the place,” O’Donnell said. “But during these difficult economic times, it really saves on shipping costs.”

Still, the Piggly Wiggly infestation remains a mystery.

“We’re telling our customers it’s still okay to shop at Piggly Wiggly, even though it’s obviously not okay,” O’Donnell said. “We’re just in a tough spot, and fibbing seems to be the best option at this point.”

4 Comments on “Everything in Piggly Wiggly is Infected with Swine Flu”

  1. #1 Corey
    on May 5th, 2009 at 9:57 am

    Piggly Wiggly’s going to find this article and sue you.

  2. #2 Thunderbolt
    on May 13th, 2009 at 9:22 am

    Son of a…! I wore my Piggly Wiggly T-shirt during the broadcast of the Superbowl this year. You know the one that says on the back “I’m Big on the Pig”; which, by the way, I am… or was. Anyway a dormant strain of the swine flu must have been activated by the precarious mixing of chocolate football, processed cheese products and several para-meat items. Everyone should be well aware that all outcomes of all sporting events rely on my support, yelling and praying. The premature awakening of this heinous beast caused a comprised state of cheering and support from me and thus the Cardinals lost. Bottom line: I blame the Steelers Superbowl victory on the swine flu.

  3. #3 JoAnn In Real Life
    on May 14th, 2009 at 10:33 am

    I think T-Bolt is on to something. Ben Worthlessberger is to blame. We should lynch him!!!

  4. #4 Sabrina
    on May 9th, 2011 at 11:51 pm

    how the hell is EVERYTHING including the T-SHIRTS! are infected with swine flu that is ridiculouse, plus i dont think all the food stock would be contaminated, yeah and scare customers away thats a good idea. What are you trying to do ruin the Piggly Wiggly company? and corey is right if the Piggly Wiggly reads this article they are going to sue you!

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