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Forecast: 100% Chance of Bitching

By Kip Dinkshaw

With erratic weather patterns, temperature changes and random rainfall, meteorologists agree on only one certainty: bitching.

Looking at the East Coast this week, people are complaining about the rain and cold temperatures. And if it does snow, the bitching will increase.

Out west, people this week will be bitching about cooler weather, while people in the midwest region will be bitching about rain.

Here’s a fun weather fact. The chance of bitching dips below 100 percent only twice a year. That’s when the temperature is exactly 70 degrees from morning to evening and it’s sunny. If conditions very from that exact situation, as it does 363 days a year, the chances of bitching hits 100 percent.

“It’s too cool!”

“It’s too hot!”

“Oh, I’m slightly damp!”

“I’m sweating!”

“I’m blowing away!”

“I fell in the snow. Snow is cold!”

Complaints will vary, but you can count on bitching. So as you’re heading home from work, be sure you have an umbrella and ear plugs. It’s gonna be bad outside, especially with all the bitchers headed home, too.

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