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Bush Apologizes for Mistakes

Former President Begins ‘Journey to Atonement’

By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst

CRAWFORD, TX - The Cannon Newsletter this week received a shocking call from former President George W. Bush requesting an interview more than two months after leaving office.

We traveled to his Texas ranch for the meeting early this morning.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about things,” Bush said. “Someone once asked me in a press conference about mistakes I had made and my greatest regrets. I said I couldn’t think of any. But I have made mistakes, I have regrets and I want to begin my journey to atonement.”

The obvious question, then, was about the war in Iraq.

“Yes, we didn’t plan that very well,” Bush said. “We went in for the wrong reasons, didn’t send enough troops and didn’t have a recovery plan. I would like to apologize for … this awesome prank! April Fools’, you crap-weasels!”

This turn in the interview was stunning, of course. Was the apology authentic?

“No,” Bush said. “I ain’t apologizing for s***.”

Iraq? The misplaced focus on a gay marriage amendment? Attempts to change Social Security? Questionable economic policies? The faults of No Child Left Behind? The Patriot Act?

No apologies?

“Nope,” he said. “You suck, dummies. Happy April Fools’ Day!”

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