Rotating Header Image

Death By Shake

Column

If you’ve see Burger King’s Oreo Sundae Shake, you’ve probably noticed the massive object protruding from the shake.

The “BK Pipe Straw is about three times larger than the average straw. It’s blue. And it allows one to intake huge quantities of shake with only slightly more effort.

Well, as you might imagine, I had to try it.

“Can I take your order?” the drive-thru speaker asked.

“I would like the chicken strip salad and a … no, you know what? Forget the salad. I just want an Oreo shake. And I want to eat it with that blue pipe.”

“Small or medium?” the lady asked.

Let me pause the story here. Are you aware this shake comes in only small and medium sizes? Fast food places always offer at least three size options. Couldn’t I get the shake in “large,” “king” or “gigantico?”

I was confused and didn’t know how to answer the woman’s question.

“Hello?” she called.

I instinctively answered, “Large.”

“Sir, it only comes in small or medium.”

“Is the medium really large and you’re just calling it ‘medium?’” I asked.

She didn’t answer.

“Did you hear my question?” I asked the speaker.

“Yes, sir, I heard you,” she said. “All I can tell you is we offer it in small and medium.”

“Well,” I said, “I guess I’ll take the medium.”

I pulled up to the next window, paid and received my shake and pipe. Then I parked to behold this new instrument of consumption.

You know how you bang a straw on a table to remove the wrapper? Well, with the pipe straw, you need to use two hands. I jabbed it on the steering wheel, and the blue tubing busted through the white paper as my car horn sounded.

I inserted the pipe straw and began taking in the Oreo shake. I was amazed. The rush of vanilla ice cream and whipped cream was almost overwhelming. I had to maintain the flow, so I just kept drinking and drinking. The blue pipe was like a mega-IV delivering a never-ending stream of goodness.

I wanted to consume everything this way. I imagined going to Lowe’s and buying a piece of metal tubing with which I could vacuum pastas, hamburgers and cereal. My days of chewing would be done - I’d found a direct connection to the stomach.

But then I returned to reality because it had been a while since I had inhaled oxygen. I needed to stop sucking the shake and take a breath. But when I cut off the shake flow, the suction reversed and trapped my lips. The tube straw was beginning to tug at my face, and the strain made me panic. I didn’t want to die like this. I knew what the newspaper headline would be.

“Man Found Dead in BK Pipe Straw”

As my face began to detach, I finally pulled away. “I Survived the BK Pipe Straw and All I Got Was This Lousy Stomach Ache.”

I was angry at Burger King and its invention. But then I began to long for more shake. I decided drinking more slowly would prevent another incident. So I slowed the process.

Then something stunning happened. One half of an Oreo cookie travelled through the pipe and into my mouth. I had just sucked a cookie through a straw with very little effort. I was ashamed of myself.

I began missing the old days, when a chunk of something would clog a straw. What were we becoming as a society? A straw should not deliver food that requires chewing.

I trashed the shake and pipe straw and drove home. That night, I had nightmares about tumbling into a milky abyss via a blue tunnel. The king from the Burger King commercials was laughing as I fell.

I awoke and went to the kitchen, rummaging for something that might ease my mind. I slept easily the rest of the night as I embraced a Scooby Doo bendy straw.

0 Comments on “Death By Shake”

Leave a Comment

Online-inform.biz

  • brooke ass sex
  • teens girls jakoff boy blow job
  • my wife nude naked on video
  • pakistani sexy videos of school girls
  • japan mother son xxx
  • two dick ass
  • free shemale hentai vids
  • cherry dee pussy
  • lesbians have naked sex
  • Vanessa videl interracial
  • reality girlfriends porn
  • galleries thumbnail series babes heat
  • seducing teen girls vids
  • sexy photos of couples
  • black sabbath analysis
  • free vintage porn sex video
  • wife screwing video
  • Hard lesbian video
  • big tit videos free deep throat
  • large breatsed brazillian beauties hd pics
  • chinese girl with huge tits fucking
  • Sexy bikini lesbian
  • black boys impregnating white girl stories
  • nigga porn double facial
  • squriting teen pussy
  • Love small tits
  • ass porn pics
  • big breasted dutch girls naked
  • free amateur colleg movie
  • sophie choudhary sex video
  • Blond girl gets fucked
  • asian girls in action
  • girl liking girls wet pussy
  • nude girls fuck s
  • little asian girl models
  • pics of amateur mature
  • sexy busty girl foto gallery
  • free japanese mom boy sex pics
  • very old black women sex
  • denise miani green bikini pictures
  • wife stripes for video
  • smiling babes sex galleries
  • suck long deep japanese
  • petite transexual escort
  • World big boobs
  • video of wife girlfriend
  • amateur blonde teen thumbs
  • strap on sex galleries
  • hot teen girls only
  • japan age sex pyramid
  • xx x y porn videos
  • Lesbian fucking sex
  • sex daily video
  • girl curious about sex with stepmom
  • Israel sex videos
  • sexy butts in t backs
  • Violent sex porn
  • japanese girls molested sleeping
  • xxx sex videoxxx sex video
  • office girls sexed
  • naked news sports sport videos
  • naked lesbian cheerleaders
  • indian hardcore pussy pics
  • teen deepthroat face fuck swallow
  • shared wife birthday sex videos interratial
  • Av girl nude
  • nicole grave bikini sex
  • Sex sites teens
  • tight teen pussy taking big dick
  • teen girl thong picture
  • reviews for couples retreat movie
  • mature xxx old women
  • anal pussy corncob pic
  • famous toon facial videos
  • art beautiful pussy
  • video erotic premium women
  • Sex on de beach
  • fran drescher in a porn movie
  • mature sex vids videos
  • teenage beauties photos
  • search engine porn videos
  • girls who love ass fucking
  • forced young pussy
  • best porn movie ever
  • sexy mature old naked women
  • free video porn no registration
  • henny youngman wife
  • free black mature women pics
  • top sexy black teens
  • amateur kiss webcam
  • blonde haired black sluts
  • sex pussy pictures
  • gent magazines sexiest wife roxanne
  • oral sex toys for women
  • kim kardashians sex pics
  • free amateur teen porn
  • girls showing nude boobs
  • girls having strap on sex
  • crazy fuck videos
  • black girls in hardcore sex
  • lee youngae sex
  • all black ebony porn site tube
  • Sex photos and movies
  • Indian actresses in sex
  • black hairy babes
  • foreign movie sex
  • black girls hairy arms
  • Indian masala sex scene
  • young pink teens
  • stickam girl videos sex
  • chubby wife facial
  • free home porn videos usa
  • ls teenee pussy
  • naked neighbor gallery
  • girl friend topless
  • pussy cum vs squirting
  • mature pissing galleries
  • facebook wife having sex
  • amateur gaping anal
  • shemale movie search engine
  • naked young girls tube
  • cute girl sybian orgasm video
  • Big tit sex videos
  • famly guy porn videos
  • free young women suck old men
  • beauties teens nakeds
  • ebony outdoor sex
  • video sharing boobs
  • amature teen xxx tube
  • eating black anal creampies pornhub
  • young girl stopped to get petrol
  • couples halloween party costume ideas funny
  • naked amateur wife homemade
  • young teen on cam video porn
  • hardcore video anal
  • lesbian sex big ass
  • lesbian porn licking free
  • girlfriend lost bet blowjob
  • mature adult fucks young teen
  • erotic seduction drunk girl video mpeg
  • big black ass movie
  • anal insertion free gallery
  • tampa wife pussy
  • i want sex with my wife
  • black slut anal
  • dick liking girls
  • big nude black boobs
  • black aunty sex photo
  • littile girl sex
  • teen girls fingering her teacher pussy
  • fuck her tigh pussy
  • naked boys videos
  • mature women sex litchfield county connecticut
  • mature pussy gp
  • teen webcam shots
  • first porn videos
  • Hot boob kisses
  • nude young girl video marina
  • free celebrity toon porn videos
  • gorgeous black woman with enormous tits
  • Sex threesome videos
  • tea bagging xxx porn
  • asian porn torrents
  • asian two dicks one possy
  • nnude teen girl video
  • wants you to suck own video
  • raised skirts sex videos
  • amateur asian fingering pussy hard couch
  • free young girls sex
  • argentina xxx teen
  • girls posing on boats showing pussy
  • mature redhead lesbian women galleries
  • free mature skinny tanned videos
  • Hot girls in t shirts
  • hairy amateur threesome movie
  • japan sex gallery milf mature
  • Sex sexy kiss
  • birthday sex video hardcore
  • Ass for fucking
  • redhead on asian on black
  • Ebony big ass porn
  • kendra wilkins pussy pic
  • sexy ebony teen girl cum
  • preview eating pussy
  • the little girls pussys
  • lesbing women porn
  • porn pictures of girls in suits
  • another term for eating pussy
  • blonde wife vids
  • spanking young daughter pictures
  • porn hard fuck
  • hunter parrish naked video
  • lesbians seduce teen
  • free min pussy cideo
  • sara mature black pussy jimmy
  • Ass fuck cafe
  • Lesbian sex youporn
  • caught wife letting lick her
  • twink facial movies
  • girls naked submiting pics
  • busty teen gy drunk videos
  • verry young girls fucking
  • bets young teens porn videos
  • sexy vagina pussy
  • milf hairy pussy pics
  • look at big black ass
  • ebony teen links
  • free pornograhpic amateur movies
  • free female porn pictures
  • Hot girls going wild
  • girls having sex in school movies
  • teen girl sexual assault
  • sex feet pictures
  • sexy bikini teenager
  • naked young girls breasts
  • suck my dick boy
  • music for teenage girls favorite songs
  • Kardashian sisters naked pics
  • blonde double anal
  • young ebony facials
  • gallery asian sucking
  • teen redheads pussy
  • massage turns into lesbian fuck
  • retarded girls who love to fuck
  • Cheerleader lesbian movie
  • teens fuck until guy cums
  • amateur teen girlfriend vid
  • xxx pics teen
  • young latinas fuck and suck
  • Hot girls naked movies
  • dumbr teen wet shower naked two
  • erotic vignettes free online videos
  • asian womens feet pictures
  • sex amateur home made
  • eating young pussy
  • free porn videos chinese homemade
  • best fee teen big dickporn
  • legal nude ebony teens
  • free black medical fetish video
  • beauty rest black
  • teens long nipples thumbs and video
  • amatuer tiny teen interracial tube
  • bam margera naked pics
  • nude mature milf pictures
  • free glamour porn video
  • gothic girl likes anal
  • green eyed girls videos sex
  • young girls in sweet panties
  • white stockings force sex movie
  • free naked pictures of chicks
  • Ashley lawrence nude pics
  • older women young men vids
  • literotica story shower sweat pussy punishment
  • sweaty teen sex
  • large breasted mature video
  • licking to orgasm galleries
  • teen girls dowload
  • adult amateur porn video
  • sexy black girl oiled
  • lesbians with students porn
  • free amateur streaming porn girls
  • free anal sex big mvies
  • ov guide adult amateur videos
  • really young naked girls videos
  • illustrations of lesbian sex practices
  • homegrown video amateur
  • moms mature sex
  • girlfriend threesome videos
  • non porn erotic galleries
  • blonde fireplace photo gallery
  • hollywood online movie sex scenes
  • tiny tits xxx free pics
  • demon girl sex
  • First time lesbian experience videos
  • hot young teen caught masterbating
  • white tits for black
  • couples sex images
  • interracial teen porn movies
  • free mother daughter son sex videos
  • erotic poetry about pussy
  • teen girl looses virginity video
  • sexy dutch beach teens
  • hairy ass women wet pussy
  • hott lesbian babes
  • com free porn pics
  • Lesbian love girls
  • wives fuck tubes
  • Sex video gratui
  • russian women fingering pussy video
  • teen hos xxx
  • short denim daisy duke ass galleries
  • free and teen movies
  • sexy young wife strips naked video
  • Nude kiss sex
  • vanessa lengies bikini pictures
  • ebony petite porn
  • nuru japanese erotic massage
  • videoplayer sex videos
  • young asain girls fuck
  • black guy sex white woman
  • ass worship video
  • mature housewife gallery
  • pussy panties shot
  • girl giting fuck anel
  • Ugly vagina picture
  • wife take black group in motel
  • Hot lesvian sex
  • hairy pussy dvd australia
  • amateur teen lesbians on webcam
  • Matt striker nude pics
  • how many loads in pussy
  • sexy teen girls locker room
  • hulk hands girl tits
  • youngest nude little girls
  • free pornhub real petite gystyle
  • free jessie summers porn movies
  • drunk teen pussy
  • top porn dvd movies sites
  • latin teen in panties pics
  • limp bizkit get naked video
  • gang bang porn video
  • kim kardashian topless playboy pics
  • thai ladyboy having sex videos
  • watch me shave my pussy pornhub
  • free amateur galleries sex
  • soft sexy mature
  • home made anal movies
  • pussy rub cunt fuck
  • megaupload ebony porn movies
  • ebony pornstar list
  • sex in weird place video
  • naruto shippuden girls in black dresses
  • amateur naked post picture
  • nude girl teen viet nam
  • blonde pussy dildoing
  • Xxx ass shake
  • teen bikini s
  • cartoon pussy family guy
  • plump hairy cunt pussy
  • hardcore teens porn
  • university of botswana couple webcam sex
  • bikini painting gallery
  • black tits fucking
  • xxx free young girls
  • Fucking sex toys
  • oral sex myspace comments
  • girl workout boobs
  • monique parent porn fuck
  • shemale video and pictures
  • max hardcore schoolgirl slutload
  • sex flexable girls
  • Asia argento sex scenes
  • teen girls bo eing fingered
  • natural blonde pics nude
  • Pirates sex scenes
  • Collin farell sex video
  • paris hilton free sex vids
  • daily sex videos gystyle
  • hot milfs sex videos
  • sexy girl cleaning
  • fake breasts pictures
  • free young anime sex
  • sex with her son video
  • girls in bikini flashing
  • jason statham butt pics
  • Nude fear factor video
  • petite redhead mom
  • xxx herdcore sex
  • girl talks dirty in porn
  • teen movies xxx
  • penelope cruz pics sex
  • edward furlong anal sex
  • girls nipples exposed
  • group sex tw
  • shemale fuck videos
  • blackberry porn video
  • amatuer drunk wife sex videos
  • trophy fish naked pictures
  • sloppy facial petite
  • my dicks wants local pussy
  • parvati shallow pictures bikini
  • girls scream sex moan vagina penetrate
  • Nude kareena kapoor photo
  • hot teen girls lezbians
  • shemale fucking lesbians
  • black celebrerty thong gallery
  • peeled banana stuffed pussy
  • pictures porn videos
  • girls nude in changing rooms pics
  • young nude girls at nude beaches
  • sexy fucking videos of black womens
  • video beyonce single girls
  • amateur wife anal porn
  • Sleeping teen videos
  • cute teen feet video
  • Fuck pussy cum
  • adult movie husband watches wife
  • naked girls with tattoos
  • Nude pics of kelly monaco
  • petite wife smoking