But Icy Hell on the Way!
By Kip Dinkshaw
Folks in the east have had some warm temperatures and sunny days the past week. They’re leaving their coats at home as global warming slowly devours the colder months. Climate change might be reeking havoc in the Arctic, but it means a nice walk outdoors for many in the U.S.
Don’t worry, though, winter-lovers! The globe’s incessant need for balance means terrible, horrifying weather is on the way. Expect sleet, hail and ice blasts during the coming weeks.
What’s an ice blast? That’s when freezing gusts of air and ice burst through the heavens. You’ll probably die immediately if hit by an ice blast. They’re awful. But it means great skiing!
When winter hell arrives, driving will be nearly impossible, not only because the roads will turn to ice, but also because the ice blasts will swipe cars from the roadways, sending their occupants into oncoming traffic and over hillsides. But again, the skiing should be fabulous.
Also look out for icicles. The temperamental weather months could mean icicles forming miles above and falling at high velocities. Pray to God one doesn’t hit you.
And don’t even ask what happens when icicles get caught in ice blasts. Let’s just say it would be a bloodbath. But the kids should be happy, because we’re looking at dozens of school cancellations!
For now, though, enjoy the warm weather. When the snow spiders arrive spewing icy venom, you’ll be wishing it was still November.
But the skiing, God, it’ll be great.