Ohio Celebrity Unveils Tax Plan
By Donald McFarland
COLUMBUS, OH - Joe the Plumber wants to be Joe the President.
The oft-discussed figure during the 2008 presidential election said today he is planning his own run in 2012.
“People seem to put a lot of weight on my opinions,” said Joe the Plumber, whose real name is Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher - and who would want to change that?
“So why not run for president myself?” Wurzelblower continued. “Hey, I’ve even got a good line already. Ready? ‘This country’s in the toilet, so Joe the Plumber is here to fix it!’”
Republican presidential nominee Sen. John McCain mentioned “Joe the Plumber” 537 times during one presidential debate. After that, Wurzelbuckle was a celebrity. His prominence followed his impromptu encounter with Democratic nominee Barack Obama, when he grilled Obama on his tax plan and how it would affect small businesses.
“My tax plan is pretty simple,” Wurzelsmurzel said. “I would not tax anyone who makes what I make or less. If my business is making $250,000, my small business tax would start at $250,000 and one cent. So all Americans benefit when I make more money.”
Joe the Plumber already has started fundraising. He spoke recently during a church pancake breakfast and then during a plumbers’ local union meeting, compiling $11.61 to start his campaign.
“Hey, wanna hear another slogan?” Wurzelbacharach said. “‘I’m here to throw a wrench in the status quo!’ Like it? Here’s another: ‘Joe’s here to crack the problem!’ Get it?”
Wurzelheimer presumably would face Obama in the next presidential election as the Republican candidate. When asked how he would prepare to square off against Obama, Joe the Plumber responded, “Here’s another slogan I came up with: ‘Joe the Plumber is throwing everything but the kitchen sink at terror!’ That’s one of my favorites.”