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Posts from ‘March, 2009’

Death By Shake

Column
If you’ve see Burger King’s Oreo Sundae Shake, you’ve probably noticed the massive object protruding from the shake.
The “BK Pipe Straw is about three times larger than the average straw. It’s blue. And it allows one to intake huge quantities of shake with only slightly more effort.
Well, as you might imagine, I had to try [...]

Obama Hasn’t Fixed Economy Yet

Critics Ask for a Little Less Hope and A Lot More Action
By Penny Moolah
Business Editor
WASHINGTON DC - As the Obama Administration approaches three months in power, some are asking why the economy still “blows.”
“When Obama won in November, the economy stayed pretty bad,” said Brian Patterson, who has been jobless for seven months. “I thought [...]

Drink These Wines Because I Know More Than You

By Corky McRoberts
Wine Columnist

With spring and summer upon us, many wine enthusiasts have requested my suggestions for the season’s most enticing flavors. I consider myself a wine connoisseur after years of cork sniffing, glass swirling, palette cleansing and vineyard raiding. Others have noticed my sharp sense of taste and have commented I should write a [...]

Director’s Cut of AIG Commercial Leaked

In a recent TV ad, a boy walks into his parents’ bedroom in the middle of the night, unable to sleep. But it’s not bad dreams that are keeping him awake.
“I’m worried about this family’s financial future,” he announces.
Don’t worry, his dad assures him, “we’re with AIG.”
- Los Angeles Times
By Tina Roundhouse
Staff Writer
NEW YORK CITY [...]

Treasury Secretary Becoming Bat

Geithner Also Unveils Bank Rescue Plan
By Cynthia Stallion
Staff Writer
WASHINGTON DC - The Treasury Department today unveiled a plan to remove troubled assets from bank books, but Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is attracting attention for another reason.
“I think he’s becoming a bat,” said one source in the Treasury Department who declined to be identified.
Pictures taken today [...]

Tar Heel Toe Means Everything

Lawson’s Injury Extends Beyond Basketball
By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
Greensboro, NC - As the University of North Carolina prepares to take on Radford in the first round of the NCAA Tournament, questions involving point guard Ty Lawson’s toe abound.
Lawson is expected to miss the Radford game but could play in a second game against Butler or Illinois.
“If [...]

Leprechauns Request Bailout Money

Officials Believe Plan Could Be a Trick
By Donald McFarland
Staff Writer
WASHINGTON DC - Representatives from the U.S. leprechaun population, which generally has avoided lobbying efforts in Washington, have made a formal request for bailout money from the federal government.
“We want our gold back!” said Pippin McDougal, president of the newly-formed Leprechaun Rescue Federation, or GOLD. ”Someone took our [...]

Two Guys Make NCAA Tournament

Snubbed Teams Demand Rule Changes
By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor

NEW YORK CITY - Two individuals have made the 65-”team” NCAA men’s basketball tournament field.
Robert Morris is seeded No. 15 in the midwest bracket, while Stephen F. Austin is seeded No. 14 in the south. Morris received a bid by winning the Northeast Conference, while Austin won the [...]

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