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Posts from ‘November, 2008’

The First Black Friday

 
Commentary
Many know about the first Thanksgiving, but few historians have written about the day that followed.
The Pilgrims of Plymouth and the Mashpee Wampanoag tribe were celebrating with a great feast when one of the pilgrims asked, “So what is everyone doing tomorrow? Is it back to work?”
“No, I think I’m taking the day off,” Tobias [...]

Clinton Looks at Short Road to Oval Office

Those in Her Way Increase Life Insurance Policies
By Rosa Clondowski
Contributing Writer
WASHINGTON DC - Now that it appears all but certain Hillary Clinton will be named Secretary of State in President-Elect Obama’s administration, several people are rumored to be taking out extra life insurance policies and strengthening their personal security teams.
The Secretary of State leads the [...]

Rosie O’Donnell Show Already Receiving Poor Ratings

Program Hasn’t Even Aired Yet
By Ginger Teevo
Television Writer
“Rosie Live” premiers tomorrow night, but the show has already bombed.
According to Nielsen Media Research, Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show is ranking below every other show on television, including C-SPAN’s late-night congressional coverage, “Blossom” re-runs and the snow on channel 1.
“We’ve never seen anything like this,” said Todd Powderbon, [...]

Gays Dancing Once Again

Homofornia Court Decision
Keeps Hope Alive for Marriage Rights
By Rosa Clondowski
Contributing Writer
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - The gays are dancing and singing in the street like a Guys and Dolls revival after the California Supreme Court decided to hear several legal challenges to the state’s new ban on same-sex marriage. The justices agreed to hear three lawsuits [...]

President Excited About ‘Midnight Madness’

                   
            
                                                                                 60 Days Till the End of an Error
By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst
WASHINGTON DC - With just two months until President George W. Bush leaves office, his administration is starting to move forward with “midnight regulations,” a dubious tradition that began with President Jimmy Carter.
“I call it ‘midnight madness,’” the president said in an exclusive interview. [...]

Bailout Could Help Chevrolet Make More Crap

Malibus Might Be Everywhere by 2010
By Penny Moolah
Business Writer
WASHINGTON DC - General Motors Corporation this week began making its case, along with Ford and Chrysler, for a $25 billion bailout. And in a surprising move, the plan comes with an emphasis on some of Chevrolet’s older models rather newer, more fuel-efficient vehicles like the Volt.

“We [...]

President Reveals Shocker

 
 
 
62 Days Till the End of an Error
By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst
WASHINGTON DC - President Bush has stopped giving “a damn.”
Bush recently posed with the Arizona State University track team, offering a gesture Arizona State students often display during sporting events. To most of the country, however, the gesture represents what is called the “shocker,” and [...]

Hate Group Embraces Equality

HUG Wants Threats Directed Toward President Bush, Too
By Rosa Clondowski
Contributing Writer
Threats against a new president typically spike immediately after an election, widespread reports of an unusually high number against president-elect Barack Obama have surfaced.
In Maine, for example, a convenience store advertised an Obama-assanation pool. A sign on a tree in Vay, Idaho, offered a “free [...]

Global Warming Brings Lovely November Weather

But Icy Hell on the Way!
By Kip Dinkshaw
Meteorologist
Folks in the east have had some warm temperatures and sunny days the past week. They’re leaving their coats at home as global warming slowly devours the colder months. Climate change might be reeking havoc in the Arctic, but it means a nice walk outdoors for many in [...]

Joe the Plumber Plans 2012 Presidential Run

Ohio Celebrity Unveils Tax Plan
By Donald McFarland
Staff Writer
COLUMBUS, OH - Joe the Plumber wants to be Joe the President.
The oft-discussed figure during the 2008 presidential election said today he is planning his own run in 2012.
“People seem to put a lot of weight on my opinions,” said Joe the Plumber, whose real name is Samuel [...]