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Posts under ‘Columns & Commentary’

Trick or Gravy

Column
Candy is boring.
Kids know what to expect when they treat-or-treat - chocolate bars, suckers, gummies, etc. They grow uninterested in and apathetic toward the routine, resorting to other methods of fun, such as egging my car and mummifying me with toilet paper.
So I was left with a choice for this trick or treat night. Either [...]

Pour Autumn Down Your Throat

By Corky McRoberts
Wine Columnist
Around this time every year, you’ll start reading wine columns from pretentious pinheads about how autumn is perfect for reds or how autumn is perfect for whites. Chardonnay this, Cabernet that.
Boring!
As frequent readers of my column know, I know more than they do. What they might not know, however, is I know [...]

Emeril of the Pumpkin World

Column
Pumpkin donuts!
Nothing I saw at the Pumpkin Festival - not even the 1,500-pound vegetable that looked like the corpse of Linus’ Great Pumpkin - impressed me more than the revelation of making donuts from pumpkins.
I had tried the pumpkin rolls, the pumpkin ice cream, the pumpkin pie, the pumpkin bread, the pumpkin pancakes, the pumpkin [...]

Your Horror-Scope

By Madam Stephano
Horoscope Writer
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You need a change of scenery, because the zombies are coming. Now is the best time for a fresh start, because the end of humanity is drawing near. Guard your brains!
Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Today is good day to meet some friends and catch up, because you really [...]

Kanye West & Joe Wilson: A Comparison

Commentary
The Cannon Blog presents a comparison of two men making headlines this week - musician Kanye West and Joe Wilson, Republican congressman from South Carolina.
Hometown
West: Chicago
Wilson: Charleston, SC
Notorious this week for
West: Interrupting Taylor Swift during her acceptance speech at the MTV Video Music Awards, declaring Beyonce Knowles should have won the Best Female Video Award
Wilson: [...]

Trees Don’t Complain About the Weather

Column
By Oak Tree
Guest Columnist 
I’m sure most human readers would be surprised trees have the ability to communicate using the English language, or any other tongue for that matter - and “tongue” is perhaps a bad word to use since trees cannot actually speak. We haven’t mouths, as you might have noticed.
We do, however, have a talent for learning [...]

‘This Little Piggy Gave You Swine Flu’

Advice Columnist
By Diggleby Bupp
Dear Diggleby,
Like many mothers, I like to play the “piggy game” with my children. I thought I could turn it into an educational tool. One night, I was playing with my son and said, “This little piggy went to the market. This little piggy went home. This little piggy had a peanut [...]

Death By Shake

Column
If you’ve see Burger King’s Oreo Sundae Shake, you’ve probably noticed the massive object protruding from the shake.
The “BK Pipe Straw is about three times larger than the average straw. It’s blue. And it allows one to intake huge quantities of shake with only slightly more effort.
Well, as you might imagine, I had to try [...]

Drink These Wines Because I Know More Than You

By Corky McRoberts
Wine Columnist

With spring and summer upon us, many wine enthusiasts have requested my suggestions for the season’s most enticing flavors. I consider myself a wine connoisseur after years of cork sniffing, glass swirling, palette cleansing and vineyard raiding. Others have noticed my sharp sense of taste and have commented I should write a [...]

Yes, Virginia, There Is …

Part 4 of 4
And so we conclude another “WalMart Christmas!” We hope you’ve enjoyed these heartwarming scenes.
Until next year, Merry Christmas!
Two men are in the automotive department. They notice an employee walking by toward the toy section.
One man says, “Hey, buddy, do you work here?”
The employee answers, “Not in this department. I’m trying to locate [...]