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Posts under ‘Politics’

Hanging Chads Could Have Caused Iran’s Election Debacle

Many Iranians Voted for Pat Buchanan
By Paolo Guitero
International Writer
TEHRAN, IRAN - It happened to Al Gore in 2000. Now it might be happening to Mir-Hossein Mousavi, challenger to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in yesterday’s Iranian election.
Hanging chads, the clinging dots that disrupted the 2000 U.S. presidential election, might also had caused Mousavi to lose thousands of [...]

Bush Apologizes for Mistakes

Former President Begins ‘Journey to Atonement’
By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst
CRAWFORD, TX - The Cannon Newsletter this week received a shocking call from former President George W. Bush requesting an interview more than two months after leaving office.
We traveled to his Texas ranch for the meeting early this morning.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think about [...]

Treasury Secretary Becoming Bat

Geithner Also Unveils Bank Rescue Plan
By Cynthia Stallion
Staff Writer
WASHINGTON DC - The Treasury Department today unveiled a plan to remove troubled assets from bank books, but Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner is attracting attention for another reason.
“I think he’s becoming a bat,” said one source in the Treasury Department who declined to be identified.
Pictures taken today [...]

Bush Administration Blamed for Removing Zero Keys in White House

Sources Believe Former President Meant to Take “O” Keys
By Tina Roundhouse
Staff Writer
WASHINGTON DC - President Obama and his staff were apparently victims of a confused prank.
As the new administration this week moved into the White House, staff discovered all the computers were missing zero keys.
Unnamed sources believe former President George W. Bush was inspired by [...]

Bush: The Final Interview

                                                                                                 1 Day Till the End of an Error
As President George W. Bush prepares to leave office after two turbulent terms, the Cannon Newsletter managed to get a few minutes of his hectic schedule. Below is the transcript of Bush’s final interview with the Cannon Newsletter as president.
CNL - Thank you for taking a few [...]

Texas Residents Prepare for Bushville

18 Days Till the End of an Error
By Rosa Clondowski
Contributing Writer
CRAWFORD, TX - With the two-term presidency of George W. Bush mercifully coming to an end, people in Texas are getting nervous.
“We know he’s planning on coming back here,” said Buck Walter, a lifelong resident of Crawford, Texas, and owner of Buck’s Pitt Stop, a [...]

Webster’s Dictionary Redefines ‘Bush’

25 Days Till the End of an Error
By Rosa Clondowski
Contributing Writer
WASHINGTON DC - The Board of Directors at Webster’s Dictionary have voted to add a new definition under the word “bush.”
“I think after surviving the past eight years, it’s the least we can do for Americans,” said Dee Spelling, chairman of the board. “The new [...]

President Credits ‘Matrix’ for Shoe Dodging

                                                                                 36 Days Till the End of an Error
By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst
BAGHDAD, IRAQ - President Bush only hours after ducking a pair of shoes during a Baghdad news conference already was laughing about a joke he’d come up with following the incident.
“Usually I’m dodging questions, but this time, I was dodging shoes,” Bush said, snickering.
An [...]

Bush: ‘Bin Laden Might Have Escaped on Polar Express’

                                                                                              46 Days Till the End of an Error
By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst
WASHINGTON DC - After years of trying to locate Osama bin Laden, President Bush has a new theory about the terrorist’s whereabouts.
“Bin Laden might have escaped on the Polar Express,” Bush said.
Bush recently watched the film version of the famous children’s book and began [...]

President Celebrates Pirate Resurgence

                                                                              50 Days Till the End of an Error
By Bartholomew Watson
Political Analyst
WASHINGTON DC - President Bush today said he is “hopeful and excited” about increased pirate activity during the past year.
“I had always thought pirates would be a part of the distant past, not something I would ever be able to witness,” Bush said. “Now [...]