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Posts under ‘Sports’

NBA Looks to Market ‘Roe vs. Wade’

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
NEW YORK CITY - The NBA has confirmed it hopes one of its teams will draft or sign a player named Roe within the next few years.

“We’re looking at guys named Roe, and we hope at some point his team would play against Dwyane Wade and the Miami Heat,” said [...]

Clint Eastwood Speaks with Manti Te’o’s Girlfriend

By Donald MacFarland
Staff Writer
LOS ANGELES - Film icon Clint Eastwood today told reporters he has spoken to Notre Dame football player Manti Te’o’s girlfriend following this week’s revelation she does not exist.
“I contacted her, and we met in person,” Eastwood said. “Then I sat her down in a chair, and we had a long conversation.” [...]

Political Efforts, Football Join Forces

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
The Friends of Coal Bowl, which for seven years now has featured West Virginia University and Marshall University meeting on the gridiron, comes to an end Saturday as the schools have not agreed on continuing the series.
Other schools across the country, though, are embracing the idea of having political – or, [...]

We Conclude Our Top 25!

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
We finally conclude our first ever Top 25 rankings, starting with a president and ending with the nation’s best team!
#5) Barrack Obama & Joe Biden
The Hope is back! After an upset victory in 2008, O is looking to repeat in 2012. Biden – the “new Chain-y” – is a little older and [...]

Eastwood, Bolt, Romney Highlight 10 to 6

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
The Top 25 countdown gets political as we get closer to the final five!
#10) University of Michigan
It’s halftime. Both teams are in their locker room discussing what they can do to win this game in the second half.It’s halftime in America, too. People are out of work and they’re hurting. And [...]

Manchester United, Volleyball Duo Crack Top 25

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
A couple of unlikely teams find themselves in the Top 25 preseason rankings, as we continue the week’s countdown.
#15) Manchester United
Coming off a Premier League championship, Manchester United should have a strong season. The team has no spending limit and has created a football juggernaut. Man U starts the season as 5/1 [...]

Countdown Continues with Pair of Georgia Teams

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
We continue our Preseason Top 25 countdown today with a pair of Georgia teams. It’ll be interesting to see who has bragging rights at the end of the season!

#20) University of Georgia

The University of Georgia is easily the second-best team in Georgia. It should compete for an SEC title, and fans are [...]

Zips, Jets Make Top 25

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
The Cannon Newsletter sports department is pleased to reveal is first annual preseason college football rankings! Each day this week, we’ll look at five teams, starting today with numbers 25 to 21.
#25) University of Akron
The Zips last won on Sept. 24, 2011, managing to pull out two 1-11 seasons in a row. [...]

German Diver Contests ‘Schmakin Hyman’ Score

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
LONDON - Stephan Feck, the German diver who’s made a splash on YouTube, is contesting his score of zero, which came during Monday’s 3-meter springboard preliminaries.
After three flips, which Feck dubs “strudel dudels,” he smacked on his back instead of entering the water with a dive. Feck calls it a “schmakin hyman,” [...]

Crying Added as Gymnastics Event

By Charles Parachute
Sports Editor
LONDON - Less than a day after gymnastics competitions ended at the Olympics, organizers announced a major change for the 2016 Games.
“We’ve noticed there is a quite a bit of crying during the gymnastics events, and these athletes are rather good at it,” said Olympic spokesperson Pip Crinkle. “Why not make it [...]

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